i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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