why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
