did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
this is an emotional support booty call
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