so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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