Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
