Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
