Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
