She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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