I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Holy shit dude........stairs
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
