You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
