it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
