I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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