So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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