I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
