I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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