He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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