you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
