I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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