I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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