meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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