ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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