I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
