Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
