I think I am morally bankrupt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
