You're earring is so big in my mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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