Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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