Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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