I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
