i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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