Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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