they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
