quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
