You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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