Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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