and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
