So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
