How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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