ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
