I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
