I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
