Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
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New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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