i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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