He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just gargled with NyQuil
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
