I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize