that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
