Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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