I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
