Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
