Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
