So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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