It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
