you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
