I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
