Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
