whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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