not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
