i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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