the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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