and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
