woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
