I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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