Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
