i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
